This blog post may include graphic images, profanity, male bashing and intermittent whining & ranting about my love life without logic to rule over the emotions I am currently experiencing. Viewer discretion is advised. [If you don't want to hear about it don't read this post, kapeesh?]
When I think I have the opposite side figured out they always, repeat always throw me a curve ball and my understandings of how the male mind works crumbles and fails me.
For example: GI Joe has now been renamed to Houdini, because like the famed magician he is quite good at disappearing. Our conversations were casual and frequent but the minute I asked him to hang out for a second time, 'poof' he vanished. Everything was a go until an hour before we were suppose to meet up : "Something came up, I'm sorry"
After that he was gone.Our daily conversations are now non existent and the (count them) three pathetic attempts at friendly emails I've sent out have gone unanswered. Ok, so I get the hint buddy, but man, what a cowardly way to go.
Men, I beseech you, please just tell me when you're not interested, that way I won't waste my time talking to you and move on.
This is how the conversation could have satisfied me.
Lauren:Hey, I'm coming to Toronto this Friday, wanna hang?
Houdini:No, not really. You're nice, but I don't really see myself dating you.
Lauren: Oh, okay, that sucks. (Que Jay Z's 'On to the next')
In this case I'm not exactly sure what it is I did wrong.Nothing, in my opinion. He was cute, we hung out once, we sent each other dumb emails in place of texting. I didn't ask for a ring, just a second date. There were joking sexual conversations in there but we went on one date and never touched. So it's not that I gave anything up too fast. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that it was because I asked him out. I've been told this is the case, that I made myself available, but really, what's wrong with asking someone to hang out if what I want is to hang out with them?
Dumb. Cowardly and dumb.
"He's just not that into you"
That book plaques me.
My sister and I had a really great conversation today, about love and sex and I told her that I know some people are driven by sex, it fuels them and that I enjoyed it greatly but I really just want someone to talk to at the end of the day. She explained to me that for her it was so hard to understand Why people were driven by sex and sex alone.
"To me, sex is boring. It's a boring way to end the night. I refuse to be driven by pleasures of the flesh when pleasures of the mind are so much greater"
and I agree with her, pleasures of the mind are greater. Where am I going wrong? The past couple of men I've been involved with have complimented me greatly on my physical attributes.
For example:
"You have a great butt"
"You're so pretty"
"I bet you're beautiful naked"
As great as that may be that I posses these qualities my, ahem, Mamma gave me, it makes me sad when this is what I hear from guys.In the past year I haven't heard once:
"You're rad"
"You're so smart"
"Conversations are great with you"
"You're talented"
It's depressing, really, it is. I went from dating a guy who raved about my personality to men who don't give a shit about it as long as I have a perk rack. Where in there is it my fault? I feel like if anything I'm more in tune with who I am now then I have ever been.
If you were really happy and really loved yourself you wouldn't give a shit what these people thought about you.
But I do love myself.
Then fuck it, be single forever, who cares? Adopt a dog if you want something to talk to.
God, this is self-involved.
Fuck it, that's what blogs are for. Narcissism.
To be fair, I can't blame everything on the men I date, because in that equation I'm the only constant factor.
So I'm factoring myself out.
At least I'm setting strict guidelines. Mock me if you will but I'm tired of being disappointed and let down.
1. 3 month rule in affect.
2. If I only hear about how cute my ass is without compliments to my mind you're out, instantly.
3. If it's 3 am and I'm at your house and you want me to go home, most likely because I've just explained the 3 month rule, you will walk me home, or at least half way.
4.TBA
5.TBA
I'll add more as I figure them out.
Raspberry noise, blah blah blah. This is all pointless really, but I feel better now.
Males' and females' greatest delusion is that they will EVER understand the other. Thinking you've got them all figured out is only going to work to your disadvantage; if you want to storm a castle, a map of the Sears mall isn't going to do you any good, so don't pretend it's a castle map.
ReplyDeleteBeing someone who's pulled the "disappearing act" on way more than one occasion, I can certainly tell you that there is no "one" reason for it.. Sometimes there's very little reason at all. We've all done it to SOME degree in our lives, so there's no use in pointing fingers, especially at an entire sex. My advice? The same as always. LEARN.
"To be fair, I can't blame everything on the men I date, because in that equation I'm the only constant factor."
I think this shows good progress. Objectivism is always the best policy.
Keep your guidelines, and do make new ones with every little bit of new data, but be prepared to make exceptions along the way. Annnnd.. That's my two.
I agree with quite a few things in here.
ReplyDelete1. Yes, it would just be so much simpler if men (or women, as they do disappear as well from time-to-time) would just be honest when they're about to pull the Houdini. Trust me, I have been a victim of this act far too many times to count, and even though I am now in a happy place romantically, it never ceases to frustrate me when I see it happen (to others). I understand that it makes for an awkward conversation, but I just don't get why they can't see the logic in being honest. Makes everyone's lives a lot less frustrating, and you don't have to screen your calls. Easy peasy. And like you said, "on to the next one" (fuckin love Hova).
2. I'll echo the words of the boyfriend in this one. Even I don't think I'll ever fully "understand" males. And I guess I've just come to terms with it. I've many-a-time thought I had it all figured out, and that was usually right before I'd get knocked on my ass again. This confidence only results in embarrassment, unfortunately.
3. I completely support the rule system, ESPECIALLY #2. I have fallen for SO. MANY. GUYS. who ranted and raved about me physically/sexually and it only ever leads to the big fuck-all. I'm sorry, but if we've spent enough time together you should be able to think past butts and boobs. Haven't they figured out that the way to a rad girl's heart (and therefore bed, sigh) is by complimenting their intellect. (See my point #2... sigh, again) But regardless, I think this is a safe rule to go by. If I had made this rule years ago, I would have saved myself a lot of time and frustration.
4. I also completely agree with the motivated by sex point. I don't get it, either. Of course I love sex... but if I can't stay up all night talking to you AFTER said sex, then what the hell is your peen doing near my vuh-jay in the first place, hmmmmm?
I think that's all I have for now. I'm sure we'll continue this via MSN or something.
<3
Oh, and by the way..
ReplyDeleteIf chivalry is dead, then Toronto is its sarcophagus. But with about 3,248,080,000 males in the world, I can guarantee you'll have a few more rolls of the dice yet, and even if only 5% of the entire world's population is decent, that still translates to about 162,404,000 upstanding males.. About 65.5 times the population of the City of Toronto. Just some food for thought.
Having pulled the dissapearing act myself I know that sometimes it just feels right. I just needed to vent, because no matter the circumstance rejection (even in it's smallest form) is dissapointing.
ReplyDeleteIt's all a part of the learning process and if anything this has just given me more appreciation for my life sans romantic relationships. Its just easier. I think for me alone time is crucial, I haven't quite mastered it yet, but I'm working on it.
Thanks for the feed back you two, love to both of you fabulous intellects.
<3