Friday, April 30, 2010

help a brother out.

I need new music.

Asap. My library is archaic, naw whadda I mean?

I'm taking up Jackson suggestion and looking into refused, there's some Steve Aoki I'm checking out too...,mainly I'm looking for things to make me move, make me feel, make me rock the fuck out.

Pass it on yo, I'm impressionable.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

.A hilarious conversation.

Ladies, I know there are others out there like this, like my friend, like me, we just read into things way more than necessary. We over complicate things and refuse to use logic to figure out situations like this, not because we're stupid but because we want to believe these bullshit stories...
A conversation with a friend, after the guy she's seeing told her he "doesn't want a relationship"
I think hes just really confused..

and is genuinely a nice guy under it all...so he was warning me I guess?
He said at this point in his life he doesnt really see himself getting married, and maybe he will in the future, but right now he doesnt see it. so he doesnt see the point in a relationship and he told me that before.But then I was confused as to why he was trying to hang so much and texting so much ...etc etc
And then he said he is, or has been, a relationship person so hes not really a player
more of a one guy girl...but he's confused now because he doesnt know that there is a point to a relationship if he doesnt see the marriage thing happening...so i think really he DOES like me,more so than I do him...but told me so i wouldnt start liking him blah blah

Lauren: you need to read this book,its called he's just not that into you.
and i need to re-read it.
and then we need to go for martinis and stop making excuses for dudes who can't even think of clever excuses as to why they're just not into us.

.dumb.

Do you know what irritates me a lot?

People who talk to their dogs softly when trying to discipline them and then when their dog doesn't respond blaiming it on the dogs intelligence, as if dogs and humans are suppose to be intelligent in the same way.

"No fluffy, don't you jump on that lady, what did I say about jumping on the nice people?" That's what a lady said in the sweetest tone said to her dog as it was trying to maul my leg.
"I'm sorry, she's not very smart" the lady then went on to say.

Do you they think their dog can understand them? Why do they think an animal is stupid when it won't respond to words alone? Here's a tip,idiot human[ because you have obviously never taken a dog obedience course, or read a book on the nature of dogs, and I'm sure you think your dog is a human too]- Dogs don't understand English, nor do they understand french Spanish Latin or Greek, they understand fluctuations in your tone, they can hear the command not through understanding of the language itself but rather through familiarity of the person's tones when they say "sit" for example.
This is the same idea as one person who doesn't speak a particular language, let's use English for example- this person who doesn't speak English can still have an understanding of expressed anger or despair or happiness from another person speaking solely English in part of the expressions themselves having unique tonal patterns.
Coming back to how your dog works. If you tell your dog nicely "no no, don't jump on people" in the same way you say "good doggie, thanks for not peeing on the rug" I guarantee your dog will keep jumping and expect a fucking cookie for it. There's no assertion of the alpha in this situation. Tell your dog to "sit", "stay", "don't fucking jump on people" with assertion, looking the dog in the eye until it looks away, it won't understand what exactly you're saying but you will have asserted dominance, which they do understand and this assertion will make them stop whatever they're doing., pretty quickly because in the pack with the alpha, you know, the dominant dog will basically fuck you up if you don't listen. Back in the day when I owned an aggressive pitbull and an over-hyper, disobedient husky it was critical to learn how dogs work and function and I'm telling you, not once did I ever ask my husky nicely not to jump on people. Why? Because if my dog were a human she would have laughed at me, told me to fuck off and jumped on that person because she's in charge and I'm just a cookie dispenser.

Over and out.

Monday, April 26, 2010

.Better off.

I am bored.
I just ate a plate of spaghetti and I'm still hungry.

I should be sleeping, I work tomorrow at 8 which means I have to be up at 5:30, to leave by 6:30 to catch the lame bus to work.
Yes, it takes an hour and a half to transit it across town.

It took me the same amount of time to go to Toronto every day, only difference $20.00 round trip vs $6.00.
FML.

Burlington is okay, because after two months I've finally made some friends, but tonight I'm feeling pretty jipped. I'm trying to stick the the motto that every place is only "as good as you make it." and I know that after moving around as much as I have (holler 8 times in the last 3 years) I really need to grow some roots, somewhere...I'm just wondering, here? Why here of all places? Because my family's here? Because I have a total of 2 friends here? Ugh. I need a life make-over. I feel like I always need a life make-over and once I stop feeling like that life makes itself over. How do I stop feeling so damn restless all the time?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

.Sorry is a 4 letter word that ends with 'Y'.

Okay Brain, do your stuff.

Borderline 'doing' something that seems stupid, makes me feel stupid and looks stupid on paper is probably:
a-Stupid
b-Should be avoided due to it's similarities to past mistakes.
c-Is cruel and should never be spoken of again.
or
d-All of the above.

I will not let my emotions or my hormones get the better of me.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

.Listen all of ya'll.


The real world has interrupted my blog life.

Which is perfectly fine by me, blog I love ya but the real world is waaay cooler.

Quick updates:
Janna visited and while here was convinced that because she dislikes Peterborough so much she should do something about it.
She decided to move back to Burly. What?! Awesome! Her and her BF will be back in about a month. She also introduced me to some new rad people and we spent three days in parks, having bonfires, drinking beer and eating food. I love lonely life but having my social one come back full force is wicked!

My job is actually getting better. My managers are really awesome to me, providing me lots of feedback so although it's not a job I want forever in an industry I don't like at least I feel like everyday I'm learning something and as of lately I really enjoy learning as much as I can about whatever topic. I feel assured that as long as I'm making an effort to learn and pushing myself I'll gain something valuable from this experience.

My home life is also steady-ish. There's a lot going on within the fam dynamic, things that I wasn't really aware of and I can appreciate that my decision to move in was a really positive and needed thing. At first I was moving in to get help but now it turns out that I'm helping heal some overly band-aided soul wounds. I love my family so much and it kills me that my eyes were so shut to all of the things going on, they've really taken a front seat for me, as they should. People have asked me
"EW, Why do you live in Burlington??"
and honestly the answer to why I moved here is moot, the reason I'm staying here is because of them, because I love them and I refuse to spend any more of my life without my loved ones, my family as part of it.

Other than that there are 4 weeks until Matty gets here (provided Ash quits falling from the sky...it's the end of times yo, seriously) and at the end of the Summer I'm going to visit my Godmother Debbie in North Carolina for a week and a bit.

So back to life, back to reality.

:D

Monday, April 19, 2010

.Friends are jewels.

I always skip over these pictures, but if I had to frame any it would be these.


















Thursday, April 15, 2010

.On loop.

To be fair I should be outside, enjoying the patio and the sunshine but my mind is on high speed and probably moving faster than my fingers can move.If this makes little to no sense then well..oh well, I just need to get this out while I remember what I'm remembering. Excuse the typos please, I'm having fat fingers today.


I've been reading a lot, I mean A LOT of Sylvia Brown the past couple of days.You know the physic from Montel Williams? I'm so excited about what I've been reading.
I guess I should start at the beginning.Having no social life has lead me to often walk the 5 minutes down the street to the local Cole's bookstore, buy a coffee and spend the day reading high priced glossy novels. It's like the library but with a Starbucks. When I received a gift card in the denomination of $25 for my birthday I had no idea what I'd want to buy, considering I just read the books rather than purchase them.
After a long walk around,searching for the perfectly priced book I discovered the sales section. Cast away with many of her other published works was Sylvia Brown's 'Mystical Traveler' and 'Levels of creation'. Looking around to make sure no one I knew could see me (which isn't hard considering I live in the middle of 20-something year old nowhere) I scooped up my guilty pleasures- the Sylvia slim pages and slinked off to the nearest arm chair.
I couldn't put them down. Besides dealing with the mystical, which I adore, Sylvia Brown has a way of writing exactly as she speaks (minus the gravely voice, which is welcome)and her writing is actually really entertaining, but simple enough that someone who's brain has been shut off as long as mine can understand what the hell's going on. I haven't related to spiritual "guide" in a while, so was a moment of sheer bliss. The last time I had a moment of spiritual connectedness was over a year ago and before that I can't remember so this felt like being woken up all over again. I wish I could express it more poetically or with a better flourish of words to really summerize how I felt, but at the moment I just can't.
It's so hard to express how I feel right now, I suppose excited would sum it up and once I've collected my thoughts I hope that I can explain this more succinctly but for now I'm going to give you a few passages and let you come to your own conclusions.

"Propaganda can be a very powerful tool. Entire governments in Russia and Nazi Germany once used it very effectively, and it's still being utilized in China and North Korea. In the United States, we see how advertising agencies and the media employ it every day. As for so- called journalists ,they seem to always follow the axiom of "bad news makes headlines" so a tragic story is like money in the bank.
Propaganda works so well because it basically programs the human mind, so you always need to be aware of what types of messages you're receiving-especially when it comes to to religion and society. When you're subjected to continual negative programming, it has a such an effect on your soul that it can hamper its spiritual growth.
If you go to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque, really listen and find out whether your religious leader tends to stress the negative or positive. If it's the latter, you can take the joy in your faith and truly worship God in the way you want. But if it's the former, watch out. Be aware that you're being programmed with negativity such as bigotry (sermons should never put down other beliefs or certain practices) ; the fear of God (remember that our Creators are only loving and merciful); guilt (be wary if everyone is called a "sinner" or "unworthy" if you're told that your soul will not be saved unless you do such and such, or if you're asked for money over and over again); and hypocrisy (no one dogma or creed is the only way to 'salvation')
Any religion that isn't magnanimous or tolerant of other belief systems, or even other sects of the same faith, can be very negative and certainly give you a false sense of what spirituality really is...
...The golden rule is doing to others as you would have them do to you-Love God, Love your Neighbour, Love youself.True Spirituality is basic and complete, and anyone can attain it, despite religious traditions and society's tainted preponderance for wealth and power."



"Religion is particularly full of hypocrisy...The Catholic Church admits its many atrocities (yet apologizes with little fanfare) but then it turns around and says the Pope is infallible. The Catholic and Protestant faiths preach about homosexuality and "sinful" sexual practices-spouting bigotry and instigating hate crimes- only to be party to all sorts of scandals involving pastors, preachers, and priests that are sexual in nature.I get so angry when I see how these supposed men of of God perpetuate negativity all the time. All they're doing is taking humankind's innate fear of the unknown and utilizing it to their advantage. It's sad and it's wrong and it takes us back to the dark ages when people were burned at the stake.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

.Happy Poetry Month.!

Happy Poetry Month!
How will you celebrate?


If you're in the Peterborough neighbourhood hit up the Spill-414 George St, Thursday night (aka April 15th) for the Peterborough Poetry Slam! Sign ups are at 7:30. Bring two poems and get ready to slam!
Check out the facebook events page.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=118424958172361&ref=ts


If the Toronto area suits your commute head over to Ellington's tonight at 805 St. Clair Avenue West for Flowetic: a Slam and open Mic. This show features poet David Delisca & musician Sean Donald, if you haven't checked these guys out you should! PWYC
Here's a link to Sean's page. http://www.myspace.com/seanpatrickdonald
Facebook!:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=109431825710&ref=ts#!/event.php?eid=100209653352597&ref=mf

Or if you need some time to plan your trip in advance there's always a night at Hugh's Room-2261 Dundas St West on April 24th for the Toronto Poetry Slam Finals.. The top five poets will make up the Toronto Poetry Slam Team, this isn't an open mic but it IS worth checking out, competing are some of Toronto's hottest slam poets. Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door. So book 'em in advance!
Check out the facebook invite:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=104926289538689&ref=mf




If you want to keep me company you could always come out to the Burlington Poetry Slam this Thursday, April 15th at the Black Bull Tavern’s Fireside Lounge-1124 Guelph line. This is an open mic & open slam featuring CR Avery!-harmonica toting,beatboxer, poet extraordinaire!! You seriously don't want to miss this!
Link up! :


http://burlingtonslam.wordpress.com/


Happy Hunting and poet-treee ing ya'll. <3

Sunday, April 11, 2010

.Patios and Lovers.


Peterborough!

I didn't know how much I missed it until I was reunited with my lovelies this weekend.

When I rolled in I thought
" What the Eff am I doing in Peterborough?"
To be honest I thought no one would be happy to see me considering how I burned my bridges right before I left. It sounds silly, I've amended things with the people I care about(mostly) and what is in the past is in the past but this was my first time there in 8 months, I was nervous yo!

People are gracious and kind and forgiving and just as wonderful as they were before, I'm really blessed to know these people.

Amber & Kristina had a bonfire, we drank some beers, danced to Salt-n-peppa, ate mallows and burgs, talked and went to the Only for a much needed (albeit cold!) patio & beers. I missed the Only! Oh my god how I missed the Only!
It was awesome that it felt like I had never left. Kristina,Amber & I just picked up the conversation where it left off.
When we got back the House (for the record, it's the only house worth mentioning in Peterborough because it's so consistent so I refer to it always as 'The House'.) we talked,laughed a shit ton and watched Take Away performances. Eventually the Boys guitar playing became so soft and sweet that it lulled Amber and I right to sleep.
They sang lullabies to us. Hah!

This morning Amber & I made breakfast and said our goodbyes before she left for Napannee. The Boys and I went questing for a Sunday crossword before heading to the Only to crossword, patio it up and drink coffee...or what I thought was drinking coffee...It wasn't, it was drinking beer. I ran into some other friendly faces (Carly!,Teddy,Ben) and sat around in the most comfortable moments of coffee and silence with the boys.Interrupted by a funny story or a clue to a crossword word.
Anyways to sum up my long winded diary entry of what I did moment by moment, a bunch of lovelies showed up (J.Con&Jackson, JanPat&Chris,& Kristina)and we chatted and enjoyed a lovely day on the patio. They gave me a lot to think about and made my heart ache for something I didn't realize I was missing.

I miss ya'll already! <3

Friday, April 9, 2010

Lauren Vs Her Subconscious.


Holy shmokes, my dreams are crazy lately.

First the snakes, then the man on the beach and last night it was zombies.

Full colour, full detail, very intense dreams. I wake up and it feels like I haven't slept really, then all day I can't stop thinking about these uber intense dreams.

It started in a hospital, I was talking to a woman about my nails. She really liked them and wanted to know how I grew them so long. I started telling her how I did it, this explanation I couldn't hear, all I could hear was this man in the background.
"Excuse me Miss, excuse me Miss" I realised he was talking to the woman, who was a nurse, I told her I'd write down the trick and went to the side of this counter and started writing. The man was explaining his symptoms then all of a sudden stopped moving. His eyes glazed over then looked foggy-almost white. He was either perfectly still or swaying just a little bit.
I realized then that he was infected and about to transform into a zombie, I looked around and realized that it wasn't just him.
"Fuck" I thought and bolted out of the hospital. "Fuck being in a hospital when the zombies come."
I started running down the street, and it appeared that I was in some townhouse like neighbourhood. To the right there was a brick wall of an apartment building and to the left were town houses with small courtyards. I tried to run faster but my mind kept reminding me that I wasn't super human, I couldn't speed run, I could only normal, Lauren run.
As I was running I noticed that people everywhere were still, some were still moving, not noticing the still ones, their eyes clouded over, some had darker eyes than others.
"It'll happen soon, it'll happen soon" I kept thinking, I knew I had to get where I was going before then.
I looked to my right and saw Erin G and her boyfriend, which is strange on the account that we're not friends anymore. They were breaking open a grate in the side of the apartment building.
"We'll go underground, I know these tunnels" I could hear her boyfriend say.
I wanted to run to them, to help them but I knew they'd be okay, so I turned left instead and ran down a narrow courtyard path to my friend Rod's house-only this area looked nothing like Rod's house in real life.
As I ran down the path I kept thinking again.
"It'll happen soon, it'll happen soon" and once again I tried to run faster, but I couldn't. I noticed that all the people changing looked male, short dark hair, light skin- almost Asian.
I got to Rod's house, on the left and pounded on the door. The door was wooden and looked pretty flimsy and made out of different pieces of wood.
The door opened and I ran up the stairs shouting, but I couldn't make out what I was shouting. Rod and John B were at the top of the stairs, eating something and they just stared at me.
I said something about destroying the stairs before the zombies got in. They didn't believe what I was talking about. I kept yelling about gathering supplies, and "Do we have weapons? Of course you don't ,why would you?"
Then Ian & Farah were there, trying to calm me down.
"Woah man, woah. What's going on?" I just kept talking about weapons and needing to destroy the stairs, I didn't hear what I&F said but I understood that they fully believed me and would help me out.

Then I woke up and felt like I'd be running. Gnarly right?

.I've been reading up on boys like you, poetry oh noetry.

Maybe we can we hold hands?
But only to cross streets, because I know you hate holding hands.

I'll talk to you Monday.
Sorry love I'm away this weekend. It's a P.A.R.T.Y. and those are my favourite 5 letters in the alphabet.

You make me feel like I'm in my favourite places,drinking my favourite drinks, eating my favourite foods and listening to KC & the fucking Sunshine band- every day I talk to you.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

.No more cake before bed.




I've been having the weirdest, most realistic dreams. The past couple of nights they've been too active that I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. Like this morning, I slept for 8 hours but my body feels heavy and I'm still so tired.

Last night I dreamt my ex was a snake, he invited me over because he wanted me to be a snake with him. I was okay with this because we were still dating, I loved him so of course I wanted to be a snake too. The only catch was that once I turned into a snake I would have to die as soon as I became human again, that way whatever barriers there were between the afterlife and the living life would be broken and I could shape shift all I want (Because to shape shift you had to be able to cross that dimensional border, and to do so you had to be half dead).

I went into his room to wait for him and looked at his snake habitat, it reminded me of the rain forest. Then there was a hiss and something was tickling my face, it was him. He turned back into a human and we were laughing and hugging. Then I turned into a snake with him. Oddly though my dream was very colourful and clear this was the only part I didn't see. I just acknowledged the fact that I turned into a snake.
After we both turned back human I wasn't in his room anymore, I was in this weird other place,at the same time I watched a weird cartoon-bubble like version of myself get thrown over a cliff..I realised I was dead and in the afterlife and they told me that I couldn't go back to being a human, I had to stay dead.
This was a dream, at no point did I feel scared so it definitely wasn't a nightmare.

This morphed into a dream closer to when I woke about a man who held a group of people hostage on a beach. He cut off a guys arm, but there was no blood. He came to where those people were looking for this girl he loved, but she didn't love him so she ran away. He told the people that he'd kill them if they didn't get this girl back. I should probably mention Willow & Xander from BTVS were the main characters. It was known that Buffy was going to come in and save them but because she was saving them she wouldn't get to someone else in time.



Yesterday I had a dream about playing DJ hero, straight up, that was the entire dream, in full colour.

I need to stop eating before I go to bed.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

.Know your dimensions, bitch.

I was told today that I have a "bright" future at my current job.

This is a good thing, it means I have options, but they're not exactly options I'm thrilled with. This is no one's fault except my own, I am, after all ,the one who went after the shiny assistant manager position.

I've been talking about going back to school for as long as I've been out of school. By this point I'm sure everyone just rolls their eyes when I say "Yeah, I'm going back soon." and fair enough. I've been so focused on what I'm missing in the school equation (more money, less debt ,etc etc) that I haven't bothered to stop trying to think out of the box and think inside it instead. Work with the tools I have instead of wishing for things I don't.

This is my 'thinking' wall. I stare at it for hours sometimes when I'm trying to make a decision.

I've been staring at it a lot lately..

I've also been really focused on doing something that'll provide me with a high paying career upon graduation instead of even considering going to school for something I love. I've also completely ignored the fact that I have been learning outside of the classroom. That being said I've re-evaluated schooling options, taking into consideration the things that I've been learning in my free time and the things that make me happy, regardless if I think I'm "good" at them or not.

Here they be:

Humber-
Public Relations.
The course is 3 years long, and would cost about $6,000 for two years.
Pros-A job where I can use my writing skills everyday, interact with people and organize. In Toronto
Cons-Expensive and in Toronto which equates to hella expensive.

Sheridan
Art fundamentals.
One year program, $2,000 for the year.
Pros-I'd get to do art. While I don't think I have talent by the buttloads I do enjoy it and love learning about new medias and ways to construct the thoughts in my head. Can lead to acceptance at OCAD. Cheap!
Cons-In Oakville, only a one year program, only focuses on drawing and not other medias (sculpture,photography, digital), No writing courses.No internships.

Performing Arts.
One year introduction program, can lead to other 4 year programs at Sheridan. $2,000.
Pros-I'd be doing theatre again, which I love. Cheap!
Cons-Again Oakville, no guaranteed acceptance to other programs,no writing, no painting etc. No internships.

Visual & Creative Arts
2 year program, 2,000-3,000 a year
Pros-More comprehensive art program, includes sculpture, print, digital & photography,builds a full portfolio and includes courses not only in art but in Gallery Production, Curating and marketing. Internships.
Cons-Oakville, expensive.

Visual Merchandising Arts.
2 year program, $3000 a year.
Pros-Working with things that I already understand from retail along with courses in art and event planning. Internships.
Cons-Expensive, Oakville and retail oriented which I'm not sure if I want to devote my life to.

Mohawk
Art & Design foundations.
One year program, $2000
Pros-Both art (mixed medias) and writing courses.
Cons-Hamilton, No courses on portfolio building, only 3 courses dedicated to writing.No internships.

Algonquin
Professional Writing
Two year program, $2000 a year
Pros-Learning about writing! Ottawa <3 Connections to publishers and an internship at the end of the course.
Cons-Expensive, far away from home.

Public Relations.
Two year course, $4000 a year
Pros-Writing techniques, internship,Ottawa
Cons-Expensive, far away from home.Not %100 on it.

George Brown
Art & Design foundations
One year course, $3000
Pros-Art! Decent range of medias, Toronto
Cons-Toronto expenses, no internships

Events Planning
Two year course, $3000 a year
Pros-courses look like a lot of fun, internships, writing skills and organization.
Cons-Toronto expenses, not sure if I'm sold on this idea.


So far Sheridan's Visual &Creative Arts,Mohawk's Art &Design, George Brown's Event's planning and Humber's PR courses are taking the love lead...Any advice?

I've been working on the money side of things for two months so I'm going to apply, choose something, once I decide what it is I really want and then move forward from there....
I think I can I think I can I think I can.

Monday, April 5, 2010

.This feeling in my bones.

Content warning:
This blog post may include graphic images, profanity, male bashing and intermittent whining & ranting about my love life without logic to rule over the emotions I am currently experiencing. Viewer discretion is advised. [If you don't want to hear about it don't read this post, kapeesh?]


When I think I have the opposite side figured out they always, repeat always throw me a curve ball and my understandings of how the male mind works crumbles and fails me.

For example: GI Joe has now been renamed to Houdini, because like the famed magician he is quite good at disappearing. Our conversations were casual and frequent but the minute I asked him to hang out for a second time, 'poof' he vanished. Everything was a go until an hour before we were suppose to meet up : "Something came up, I'm sorry"
After that he was gone.Our daily conversations are now non existent and the (count them) three pathetic attempts at friendly emails I've sent out have gone unanswered. Ok, so I get the hint buddy, but man, what a cowardly way to go.
Men, I beseech you, please just tell me when you're not interested, that way I won't waste my time talking to you and move on.
This is how the conversation could have satisfied me.

Lauren:Hey, I'm coming to Toronto this Friday, wanna hang?
Houdini:No, not really. You're nice, but I don't really see myself dating you.
Lauren: Oh, okay, that sucks. (Que Jay Z's 'On to the next')

In this case I'm not exactly sure what it is I did wrong.Nothing, in my opinion. He was cute, we hung out once, we sent each other dumb emails in place of texting. I didn't ask for a ring, just a second date. There were joking sexual conversations in there but we went on one date and never touched. So it's not that I gave anything up too fast. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that it was because I asked him out. I've been told this is the case, that I made myself available, but really, what's wrong with asking someone to hang out if what I want is to hang out with them?
Dumb. Cowardly and dumb.
"He's just not that into you"
That book plaques me.





My sister and I had a really great conversation today, about love and sex and I told her that I know some people are driven by sex, it fuels them and that I enjoyed it greatly but I really just want someone to talk to at the end of the day. She explained to me that for her it was so hard to understand Why people were driven by sex and sex alone.
"To me, sex is boring. It's a boring way to end the night. I refuse to be driven by pleasures of the flesh when pleasures of the mind are so much greater"
and I agree with her, pleasures of the mind are greater. Where am I going wrong? The past couple of men I've been involved with have complimented me greatly on my physical attributes.
For example:
"You have a great butt"
"You're so pretty"
"I bet you're beautiful naked"

As great as that may be that I posses these qualities my, ahem, Mamma gave me, it makes me sad when this is what I hear from guys.In the past year I haven't heard once:
"You're rad"
"You're so smart"
"Conversations are great with you"
"You're talented"

It's depressing, really, it is. I went from dating a guy who raved about my personality to men who don't give a shit about it as long as I have a perk rack. Where in there is it my fault? I feel like if anything I'm more in tune with who I am now then I have ever been.
If you were really happy and really loved yourself you wouldn't give a shit what these people thought about you.
But I do love myself.
Then fuck it, be single forever, who cares? Adopt a dog if you want something to talk to.
God, this is self-involved.
Fuck it, that's what blogs are for. Narcissism.


To be fair, I can't blame everything on the men I date, because in that equation I'm the only constant factor.
So I'm factoring myself out.

At least I'm setting strict guidelines. Mock me if you will but I'm tired of being disappointed and let down.

1. 3 month rule in affect.
2. If I only hear about how cute my ass is without compliments to my mind you're out, instantly.
3. If it's 3 am and I'm at your house and you want me to go home, most likely because I've just explained the 3 month rule, you will walk me home, or at least half way.
4.TBA
5.TBA

I'll add more as I figure them out.

Raspberry noise, blah blah blah. This is all pointless really, but I feel better now.

.Sugar we're going down swinging.

This is my friend Matty, he lives in England....



...and in about 40 days or so he'll be in Canada!
Matty and I met about 7 years ago at SeaWorld in Florida, him and his friend Darryn hung out with my sister and I all day. We went on rollarcoasters and they taught us what the word "pants" meant to them.
For one reason or another Matty and I managed to keep in contact, through emails, the days of MySpace and now Facebook. He use to send me the longest emails- full of stories about his love life, his band, his life in general and more often than not song quotes.

Yup, Sugar we're going down will forever remind me of Matt.

A few months ago I stopped hearing from Matt and chalked it up to us finally losing touch. I mean, he does live an ocean away so a lack of messages didn't really surprise me. I later found out that he was involved in a serious car crash and almost died. I'd be lying if I said I didn't bawl my eyes out. It was that moment that I realised that you don't have to live in the same country as someone to be their friend. The fact that it upset me so much that I couldn't talk to him while he was recovering was an attestment to that. I decided that in the next year I'd make it over to England, if only to buy him a beer and say "Thanks for not dying"
On my Birthday he told me he (and his friend Johnny) are coming to Canada, flights booked and the dates are set!

That's my story about Matt, I'm so excited to see him again! Now, suggestions on what to show them when they're in Toronto? I was thinking of taking them to Toronto Island for the day, but what else? If it were your first time in Toronto, what would you want to see? (And please dont say the CN tower..)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Fried Chicken Deep.

My favourite picture of the day.





Calling out to all my smartie pants friends out there, help me learn something I don't know....

Louis Armstrong & His Orchestra feat. Velma Middleton from iztok repovz on Vimeo.



I watched an episode of Buffy (once more with feeling) and there was a a song that just made me crave trumpets and music with a big band sound. The problem I'm having right now is that I have NO idea what to look for. I found some Louis Armstrong and some Cab Calloway but besides youtube surfing I'm really lost as to what I should be looking for. Help a sister out? Hinton Battle- What you feel. That's the vibe I'm going for. (Side note, that episode kicks serious ass.)

Cab Calloway & his Cabaliers from iztok repovz on Vimeo.



I've also been visually obsessed with lace and lace like patterns lately. I just have no idea what this type of 'script' would be called, I know you can get prints like this on wallpaper, journals etc but what's its name? Do I just ask for 'lace' print paper?






Last but not least, check this out. I think I would have watched this, just to get my Buffy-esk witty dialogue fix.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Animated Series from sean lee on Vimeo.

easter!




My step mum put out chocolate eggs so my 16year old brother and I could do an Easter egg hunt.
How adorable is that?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

.Hoppy Easter.


This weekend has been beautiful thus far, and I still have a day off tomorrow! Woot! Happy Easter everyone!

Lovelovelovelove.

xxoxoxo

Friday, April 2, 2010

.First of 2010.

I haven't a real sad humdinger of a day yet in 2010 so I guess I was due for one eventually.Which sucks, I was going for a record there.

Today sucked something mighty fierce.
My throat is pretty raw and not in the wicked "I've been to a rock concert!" kind of way and my home life is pretty miserable right now.At least tonight until I let it go, which will be one minute after I finish writing this and move on with my life.
What happened today:
Blahs blahing blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
blah blahs bla blah blah blah
Blah.

It doesn't really matter, it just sucked.


On the bright side my brother and I had a moment of pure ironic laughter through all the crap which was a first.
My brother is the shit, I love him, he really helps me feel less shitty about life.
I also had a wicked rant/vent session with my friend, she is also the shit. People who make you laugh when you feel like crap- those people are gems.

I'm going to Toronto tomorrow so a beer,seeing Sammy Joe,Java House, Kensington Market, a patio and 24 degree weather possibly accompained by a date with a cute boy and a more patios will fix everything.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

.Adorable.

Coeur de pirate || Ensemble from Dare To Care Records on Vimeo.

.On a spring time music rampage.

Hey!
Have you heard the new Broken Bells album? It's a collaboration from Danger Mouse and the Shin's James Mercer.
That Broken Bells.

Broken Bells - The High Road from Phunk Promotion on Vimeo.



My good friend sent me a review on them last night and an announcement that they'll be playing a Toronto show with The Morning Benders (who are also wicked, you should check them out too). I had heard the hype on BB but not the album, so this morning, thanks to my awesome musical nerd friend and some streaming, I listened to the whole album.

You need to listen to this.
Stop everything and listen to this album.
There are moments in there that remind me of the Beatles.
There are moments in there I can picture myself sitting beside a pool with a beer in my hand.
There are pure moments of summer excellence in those songs.

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/13979-broken-bells/

Check it out, let me know if you're coming to the show too.