.The High can't last forever.

Well boo.

Sometimes I get scared when things really go my way, because, eventually something happens and my emotional ass can't process it without crying.

Today was a crying lag.

For privacy sake we'll refer to the boy I've been seeing as Mr Black, and the man I'm secretly in love with Kicks.

So things with Mr Black have been going really well. Last weekend we spent Friday night together, it was really a perfectly cute night. We had a giant bubble bath, drank tea and cuddled. In the morning he helped me pack my stuff and load it into the car. When I couldn't fit my guitar or painting in the car he graciously offered to "baby-sit" them until I could pick them up.
That night I decided to come back to Toronto to party with some friends, as luck would have it they were all at Mr Black's place.

"Look, I put your painting up!" He said as I walked in the door. The night was spent at a party and half-way through the night he whispered in my ear "Let's get out of here, I want time with just you"
I rolled my eyes at his "I want sex" in hiding line, but left with him because the party was dedicated to my single friends' sucking other people's single friends' faces off and I was just drunk enough to feel super sexy.
The next morning we went out for Breakfast and he pulled my feet up onto his lap and rubbed my toes, despite feeling like it was a tad gross that he was touching my feet I ignored it for the bubbling feeling in my stomach. The thought that maybe Mr.Black was actually a someone.

(Insert loud record scratching noise)

Then I don't hear from him for over a week. Then he's busy all of a sudden. Then he's not answering his phone. I know what this is, I've watched S&tC, I've read the damn book.
This is avoidance.
This is the dreaded.
This is the thing I don't need to make excuses for, or get advice on.
This is He's Just Not That Into You.

Fuck.
He's just not that into me.

Last night he finally re-surfaced to the world.
"I got scared, I don't spend weekends with girls. I really like you, but I have issues, I don't like committing and it felt like it was turning into that"
"We could still have sex, but maybe you don't want that?"
"I guess I have invisible boundaries"

ugh. F my L.

"Whatever, I get it"
"No, but I want to explain!"
"No, it's alright, I got the memo, there's not much to explain"
"Well will you come over so we can talk?"
"No."
"But...your guitar is still here..."

Damnit. It's true.
"Ok, fine , I'll come get it Thursday"
"Cool"
"Then I'm promptly leaving"
"Maybe you could chill for a bit?"
"No"
"Please?"
"No."
"I'll roll a joint or get beer?"
"No"
"I'll make Roti too..."

Hmm.


So Thursday I'm getting my guitar and some Roti.

I guess after all this time I'm still an idiot.

To be continued...