.my legs are jelly and my heart is too.

Amber and I went on the most epic of all epic adventures.

We pretty much rode from the Mall to Trent and back , with many a detour and off-the path bike route. We found this beautiful tree-d area and decided to climb down the world's steepest slope to try and take some shots of the water -all rapid like.

I definitly almost bailed about a million times.

4 hours of pure bike-age, I'm surprised my little rusty guy made it out alive. I'll post pictures



tomorrow.






In other news, I told the boy that I had been casually going on dates with, that I wasn't ready for anything-at all. No kissing. No hand-holding. Nothing. Nadda. That was about 20 minutes ago and he still has responded. I guess:
"Can't we just be friends?"
Didn't go over too well..

..Well F..I mean, on our last date my Ex litterally sat down at the table beside us. It was like a fricken omen.
"Don't do it! Remember the last time, Lauren. Rememmmbbeeeerrrrrrr!"

Also for the first time..I think, ever, I'm completly happy with just me. I don't want to be kissing anyone. I like that I can do whatever I want without judgement and while dating someone was amazing when it was good, this is pretty amazing too. As lame as it sounds, and I warn you, this will sound lame,bare with me here- I loved Elliott. I loved him more than I've ever loved anything- (minus my cat & family) and I really believed he was, bording on gag-fest, but, made for me.
I can now see how being out of the relationship with him is obviously healthier for both of us, however, after loving someone like that. After falling so fast and feeling so much, I wouldn't want anything less.
Elliott and I might have been flawed, and fucked up and Ell definitly has his shit- his weird stuff that he does that pisses me off, but all of that, good and bad made up the most honest relationship that I've ever experianced. I loved him, he loved me, and for a while we were happy. I think after that, going back to dating, anyone, is pretty impossible.
I'm not over him. I'm over dating him, but until I'm actually able to put him and the simple fact that I still love him, behind me, anyone else is just second best.

Phwef. I told you I'd get lame there for a minute.


"You need to get over what he did to you, you need to forget him" Boy says.

Yeeeah. Workin' on that buddy, but thanks for the sound advice. Would you also like to tell me that I have to chew my food before I should swallow it too?

Now I feel bad for being rude.
"It's not you, really, believe me, it's me."

That sounded mildly sexual, didn't it? Urgh, Sexual-ness...such an odd concept.
Haha.

I hate EP.
Fuck him.
Up his stupid, 'must message me just to be a sarcastic' dick head ass. I said it once and I'll say it again, he enjoys hurting me, making me mad or just generally un-happy.
THE WORST PART IS...

...It's working. Obviously.
I'm fucking blogging about it.
I'm blogging about my ex and how he sends me one stupid message and that's all I can think about and about how I still love him despite him being an utter ASS.
And how he PROBABLY did it just to say:
"Yeah you deleted me, well I don't care it didn't hurt me at all."
Then he'd stick his tongue out and run away.
I use to beat boys up who did that to me.
I was also 5.
I bet he was drunk, and has no memory of ever sending anything.

No, I take that back, the worst of all worst parts is that a small , naive, clearly out of it part of me is wondering
"Is he doing it because he's thinking of me? Because he misses me , because he still lo...."
EW.
Why did I just almost say that?
Of course he doesn't.

He broke up with me.
He's clearly, just not that into me.