.Gimme sympathy, after all of this is done.

It's really my fault, I suppose.

I'm the idiot who opened the can of worms.

So ground zero we meet again. I'll just stay down here with the rubble for a while until I can see straight and feel strong enough to climb out again.

I just believed so hard that he still loved me too.
For a minute he had me completely convinced that I wasn't insane for thinking so.


"What fools these mortals be."

.Mrow Mrow Skateboard Mrow. This blog is had far too much poo in it.

I went and bought cat litter because Alex had a stinky litter box.

Wouldn't you know , the SECOND after I change the litter he comes along and takes a MASSIVE of all massive poos.

Why is it that I make something nice and he has to come along and shit on it IMMEDIATELY.

There are too many parallels between my cat taking a dump and my current state of love affairs.

I think Ugh, stinky litter box,stinky life, so I go out of my way to get fresh litter,a fresh life, make it clean, get baking soda...make it perfect,make it smells like roses
Then some ASS has to come and not only shit, but take a HUGE STINKY shit all over my perfect clean thing, my perfect clean life.

And for a second I thought E was the cat in the parallel. You know, always shitting on stuff, but I think that might be giving him too much credit.
He's the shit, or a shit in this case.
A big poo.
Always reoccurring.
In this case he just happens to be the same shit, just a different pile.

Jenny says " Shitting is a natural process, you can't be mad"

So I can't begrudge him for being a shit I suppose, because being a poo, a shit, is all he really knows.

Jenny says "Shit happens, it's just about learning the right time to shit"

However, I figure, when there's a poo, I can and will say "EWW Poopy!" and get the damn scoop out and rid myself of that icky-ness.

Jenny says "just remember that timing is everything when it comes to shit. because there will always be shit. you just gotta learn how to handle it and its timing. In regards to E, leave his litter box alone for a few days. if you cater to him and clean it right now, you're just inviting him to take a big ol' steamy dump right away."

There have never been truer words Jenny. Truer, shittier words.

.This little piggy went wahn wahn wahn.

Good lord, do I have nothing interesting to write about?

'Pose not.

So instead of writing about the crazy ass two days I've just had. (They were so crazy I'm still unsure as to WHAT exactly happened, So i'll have to remember so I can write it down)

I'll just say,(In my best soap opera star voice) On nights like these, when times are confusing and we're so unsure of our love, and if you and I will ever be "We", I just have one thing I oh so grateful for...

(Back to Normal, Lauren voice)

My cat who loves to cuddle.
Alex P.Keeten, what would I do without you? Especially on lonely ass nights like tonight.

.My body it leaks like a sieve.

I am a liar.


I care.


But I'm also in a fortress.

Damn my impasse.

.Ain't that funny?.

It's funny how quickly things can change.

How you go to bed one day thinking a solid thought.
"The Sky is Green"

and the next morning you wake up and think
"No, I really think it's blue"

That's how fast my brain is moving. One thought quickly flashes to another. An opinion, a feeling that I was so certain of, has now become, so..well, uncertain.

I really thought I wanted to know if he still cared. I even decided to ask, but this morning I woke up and thought
"I hope he says no, that he doesn't care at all"
and tonight, I'm pretty solid on the fact that I don't care either way.

Isn't that grand?

Tonight, I don't give two shits either way how he feels.
It's a pretty liberating feeling.

Also, after all of this the strangest thing happened. Kenny asked me on a date.

.Oh Sex & the City.

"He's like teflon for women, nothing sticks"

Ahahaha. My ex. To a T.


I cannot get over how much I love Sex & the City lately. I know I should be outside...enjoying the weather ,etc, etc, but I'm perfectly content to sit inside talking to my brother about Macbeth (I would NOT go back to grade 10 ..EVER) and watching Sex & The City.

Le sigh.

.Gosh.

My heart is in my stomach.

What an unbelievable bastard, he beat me but he just won't stop.

.You are who you love, and not who loves you back.

I feel weird today.

Like I'm waiting for something to happen.

I feel like I need to see Leah today, and something's up with Shaun...

...I just feel, so bizarre... like the air is full of electricity, but I have no idea why.

Hmm.

I also think I'm going to run into something Elliott related. I don't think I want to anymore though.

Gah.
Help a sister out.

.Showers are places for thinking, I reckon.

I had the most bizarre realization today, in the shower, even though where is completely irrelevant, I just found it funny that once again, my daily Epiphany happened in the shower.

I was, as usual, thinking about Elliott. How I'd like to see him, how he was suppose to get in touch with me last night, and surprisingly did, although, as fate had it, I missed his message- just crap like that and it led me to think about my friend Shaun. Shaun who once claimed my heart and will probably be forever, the most influential person I've ever loved-Anyways-Shaun and I have become really close in the past little while and it's a friendship. No more , no less. He gives me advice , I give him advice, we talk , we laugh. That's it.

Then I my thoughts led me to thinking about sex& the city. I have this philosophy that every woman can relate to at least one character, and in turn relate to that character's lovers.
I'm a Carrie. Complicated, obsessive, spends more than too much on shoes and over analyzes everything to death and back again.
Joe was my Adian.
Shaun is clearly Big.. which is terrifying.

So where does that leave Elliott? Is Elliott my Burger? Bound to disappoint me in the end with his asshole moves? Lead me to believe he really does love me and want me, then dump me on a post it note?

Shower thoughts.

And if you relate to a S&C character, as dumb as that might sound, who are you? why? and who are your great loves?

.I think you still love me, and now you can admit me, 'cause i've lost it.

It makes you like a Zombie.

And everyone hears you wailing and watches as you stagger towards them; instead of moaning about brains, you saying "Paaaiiiin, Paiiiiinnn"

And they all run. There you are left alone, limbering after them, repeating your empty moans of "paiin, pain".

You don't know what you're doing anymore, you don't know anything. You're a zombie, an animated corpse, the appearance of who you use to be with nothing behind your eyes except the knowledge of "Pain, pain"

.I don't think either of us know what we're doing.

If there was a dreammaster who sent you your dreams at night, I'd hunt mine down and beat the crap out of him.

They're too vivid, too real and in the morning I'm almost crushed when I have to face the reality that they're not real.

There was no field party. He didn't chop all of his hair off, nor did he linger around me, making me confused as to what he really wanted. He didn't work with children and he didn't still love me.

Technicoloured bullshit.

Hah.

But man, Amber's futon is Heaven sent. I could sleep on that damn thing all day. It's so strange that even though she lives in a new house the familiar things make it feel like home here. The coffee maker, the stupid sugar shaker, the blanket on the couch. It's just bizarre.

.Thin Ice.

"Lauren, don't do it. " An anxious voice warned from the back of my subconscious.

"I have to" I responded inwardly.

"Just because you're feeling all anxious and shit does NOT mean you have to go completely crazy. " It snaped back.

"Responding to a dick message on facebook is hardly crazy" I retorted, feeling guilty as I lied to myself.

"Pft, whatever, you're arguing with yourself. You know the truth." It says.

The truth was curiosity, mixed with a serious need for an emotional rush of some sort, any sort at that point tossed in with a panic attack and the need, the want, for the one person who I couldn't and will never have.

"Lauren" It warned again.
But it was too late. My fingers were flying across the keypad, typing short, frank words that I knew were only going to inflict pain when they were not returned.

"There's no point, you've lost it man, he doesn't love you anymore" The voice says, if it were anyone else's it might sound reproachful, but this voice, the one in my head was just sad and lonely.

I hit send and held my breath.
I knew I won't like what I'd get in return, but it would be something.
I knew I was reaching for straws , I knew I was inflicting unnecessary pain on myself but I really didn't give a shit. I just wanted him to respond, to pay attention to me for a minute. He sent the original message ,so maybe he wanted attention too? I knew I had lost it, but at the time I really didn't mind walking across thin ice if he was on the other side.

And now, now I ponder, how is it a person can have such a vice like grip on not only my heart but my sense of self preservation too? This rips me apart leaving holes yet I'm the one that lets it happen. When am I going to wake up and not love him? Not miss him? and mostly, when am I going to be strong enough to stop letting him hurt me?

.Ladies.

Ladies. This. Is. Kenny.

Kenny is probably the sweetest, funniest man I've had the pleasure of being friends with, and guess what? He is all single. I'm not going to lie, his ex sounds like a real mean-Queen.

Stats:
6 foot something really tall, cuddly ,goofball of a man seeks equally sweet girl who
"When depressed or angry or sad wants nothing more than to cuddle in a blanket with me"
Must be emotionally available and not have any ex-cess baggage.
Also must comply with a Lauren Schell insurance consultation before hand.

Only applicants considered for an interview will be contacted.

.I wanna love you.

I had some crazy dreams last night.

Most of the time my dreams are pretty vivid, clear and realistic but not last night. Last night my dreams were technicolor swirls, and all through the swirls Bob Marley was playing.

Maybe it had something to do with listening to Bob whilst drinking wine the other night. Who knows?
But it reminded me of a conversation we were having around the kitchen table. I wish I had wrote that conversation down. It made me smile.

"Bob Marley's music is sad sometimes because it's so happy, it's so hopeful,"

You know when he's singing, he's really singing. He really believes it. He sincerely wants you to not worry about a thing because he truly believes that everything is 'gunna be alright'. It's honesty written down and turned into beautiful, simplistic music, and because it's so simplistic and idealistic it becomes sad.

Sad because I'm a pessimist.


But this morning, we've got him blaring and it doesn't seem as sad as it did the other night. It seems hopeful, today, today I'm wondering if Bob had it right.

Holy Cute.

I think I'll have to dedicate this entire post to Carly, who has effectively re-hooked me on all things cute, edible looking, frilly and crafty.

I just found a site called 'Pancake Meow' where they sell rings and jewelry shaped like-get this- minature food items!

Like that adorable stack-of- pancakes charm.  I don't know which I want more, that charm or an actual stack of pancakes.

Also, I found a new blog (good lordy, I <3>

Oh how I wish I were more crafty, or had the time to be more crafty. Alas.

Anyways, check out those sites, you won't be dissapointed.

.my legs are jelly and my heart is too.

Amber and I went on the most epic of all epic adventures.

We pretty much rode from the Mall to Trent and back , with many a detour and off-the path bike route. We found this beautiful tree-d area and decided to climb down the world's steepest slope to try and take some shots of the water -all rapid like.

I definitly almost bailed about a million times.

4 hours of pure bike-age, I'm surprised my little rusty guy made it out alive. I'll post pictures



tomorrow.






In other news, I told the boy that I had been casually going on dates with, that I wasn't ready for anything-at all. No kissing. No hand-holding. Nothing. Nadda. That was about 20 minutes ago and he still has responded. I guess:
"Can't we just be friends?"
Didn't go over too well..

..Well F..I mean, on our last date my Ex litterally sat down at the table beside us. It was like a fricken omen.
"Don't do it! Remember the last time, Lauren. Rememmmbbeeeerrrrrrr!"

Also for the first time..I think, ever, I'm completly happy with just me. I don't want to be kissing anyone. I like that I can do whatever I want without judgement and while dating someone was amazing when it was good, this is pretty amazing too. As lame as it sounds, and I warn you, this will sound lame,bare with me here- I loved Elliott. I loved him more than I've ever loved anything- (minus my cat & family) and I really believed he was, bording on gag-fest, but, made for me.
I can now see how being out of the relationship with him is obviously healthier for both of us, however, after loving someone like that. After falling so fast and feeling so much, I wouldn't want anything less.
Elliott and I might have been flawed, and fucked up and Ell definitly has his shit- his weird stuff that he does that pisses me off, but all of that, good and bad made up the most honest relationship that I've ever experianced. I loved him, he loved me, and for a while we were happy. I think after that, going back to dating, anyone, is pretty impossible.
I'm not over him. I'm over dating him, but until I'm actually able to put him and the simple fact that I still love him, behind me, anyone else is just second best.

Phwef. I told you I'd get lame there for a minute.


"You need to get over what he did to you, you need to forget him" Boy says.

Yeeeah. Workin' on that buddy, but thanks for the sound advice. Would you also like to tell me that I have to chew my food before I should swallow it too?

Now I feel bad for being rude.
"It's not you, really, believe me, it's me."

That sounded mildly sexual, didn't it? Urgh, Sexual-ness...such an odd concept.
Haha.

I hate EP.
Fuck him.
Up his stupid, 'must message me just to be a sarcastic' dick head ass. I said it once and I'll say it again, he enjoys hurting me, making me mad or just generally un-happy.
THE WORST PART IS...

...It's working. Obviously.
I'm fucking blogging about it.
I'm blogging about my ex and how he sends me one stupid message and that's all I can think about and about how I still love him despite him being an utter ASS.
And how he PROBABLY did it just to say:
"Yeah you deleted me, well I don't care it didn't hurt me at all."
Then he'd stick his tongue out and run away.
I use to beat boys up who did that to me.
I was also 5.
I bet he was drunk, and has no memory of ever sending anything.

No, I take that back, the worst of all worst parts is that a small , naive, clearly out of it part of me is wondering
"Is he doing it because he's thinking of me? Because he misses me , because he still lo...."
EW.
Why did I just almost say that?
Of course he doesn't.

He broke up with me.
He's clearly, just not that into me.

.Messages from 1 am.

"You deleted me as a friend on facebook? Hurtful."

I would have loved to have responded to that with
"Oh well, you'll get over it"

But instead I just ignored and deleted it.


Why does he keep reminding me he exists??

.My bags are packed I'm ready to go.

I had a to-do list today.

-Clean my room

-Go for a bike ride

-Visit my G-ma

-Hang out with Skot

-Go to Shoppers

-Spend at least 15 mins with my guitar.

I saw my grandmother at 12 and that was it.

My sweet little BlackDog guitar, a Shaun tutorial, a pic, a blanket and outdoors and you have all the makings of my sweet ass Monday.

When Janna got home from school at 4 I was still out there.

It's now 10 pm and I'm thinking about sleep, but litterally, I've been playing since 1pm.

You'd think I'd be a rockgod by now, eh?

I'm actually pretty pleased with my wee little self, I've learned the basics of 4 songs in a day...I have no idea if that's an actual accomplishment, but it feels like it.

Days like today make me think I can do anything, if I really want it badly enough, and spend a whole day trying to obtain it. Days like today also remind me how much I'm enjoying my alone time.

This is going to sound horrible, but today made me not care that my social life is almost non-existant. I think if I were stranded on an island I'd be fine as long as I had my guitar (and a method of learning new songs) ... (and food).... (and some form of shelter)...(and cigarettes.)...(and booze)

I think this counts as day 5 in my anti social campaign...and for the first time, ever, I don't mind.

I think I'm in love.

I wish there were more hours in the day, or that I didn't have to work. I'd just keep playing.

The only thing missing is a name for my little beasty.

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. "

I am weighed down.
There's no here and I can't see a there.
It's cold.
Close the window.

The city has no bright lights, just loud horns.
They're Blaring.
They're Blasting.
Through and through and through my brain.
They're Blaring
They're Blasting.
Through and through and through but it sounds all the same.

Shut it off, make it stop.
and then turn it on again.
I'll wear my heart not just on my sleeve but all over my face, like a mask it hides a deep hidden hate, for the where's and the whats and the who's and who's not to blames.
Who's not to blame.
You're not the one, you're not the one, you were just one , of a many dozen.
You're not the one, you're not the one, you were just one, of a many dozen.

I don't want to be alone.I can't be by myself.
I'm going to wake up hating me.
because that's what you get for sleeping with a stranger.
This house is too drafty.
So I warm it up.
But this heart is too lofty.
Yet I can not shut it up.
And this mess is too complicated to be made by people like you and me

Were we ever smart enough to just shut the hell up
Were we ever wise enough to turn and walk away before it got too hard
Were we ever brave enough to say we don't know anything
We were ever the one's who took losing with the greatest stride.

No that's not us, that's not we
we laugh in the face of our adversaries
No that's not us, that's not we
too bad we became adversaries.

You're not the one, you're not the one, you're just one of many dozens
No,You are not the one, you are not the one, you were just one of many dozens.

I am weighed down.
There's no here and I can't see a there.
It's too hot
Open the window.

The city has no bright lights, just loud horns.
They're Blaring.
They're Blasting.
Through and through and through my brain.
They're Blaring
They're Blasting.
Through and through and through but it sounds all the same.

.I'm going to give my love to you, one day you gotta give it back.

Group therapy for co-dependents.

Why doesn't this exist?

A group that meets once a week to discuss the aspects of being a classic co-dependent; needing a relationship to complete yourself.
In therapy you'd discuss why you think you need a relationship, where that need stems from.
Why you rush into relationships.
You'd set a single date. Your "ATDAD" (allowed to date again date) and you would have to be single for that long, in this time you would have exercises to help you learn to love yourself, re-discover your goals and have enough time to know yourself.
It seems simple, for some people for others... cough.wink. cough.... The idea of being alone, is ,well ,rather terrifying. There needs to be a support system
"Hello, I haven't been single since grade nine, and I never noticed this, until now, this pattern of relationships that all seem the exact same, however, the only consistent factor in this equation is ...me. I think I'm addicted to jumping into things before I really know who the person I'm dating is, or before I have time to adjust to the loss of a pass relationship. I'm addicted to not being alone"

"Well M'am, welcome to the Co-dependents club, we meet every Saturday , 2-4"

"When you're sleeping with someone who doesn't get you, you're gunna hate yourself in the morning"

Testimonials would go a little something like this:

"I guess I just would get so caught up in the firsts ; the first time I realized I liked him, the first time he touched my face, the first kiss, the first hug,the first time we slept in the same bed and just cuddled,the first 'I love you', ...that I never stopped to watch the bad first's; the first time he made fun of me in front of my friends, the first time he made me cry with his hurtful words, the first time he stayed out with another girl, the first time he took someones side over mine, the first time he called me worthless, the first time he chose the couch over our bed without reason. The first sign he was someone that didn't deserve me."

"When I get dumped[, because it's always me getting the boot] and I'm finally introduced to the person I was dating, I'm crushed.I guess, really, they're all like that. I get so caught up in this magical relationship that I forget to wipe the pixie dust out of my eyes and see the warning signs. Maybe if I took my time getting to know someone before I dated them I wouldn't feel so deceived and naive, because I would be dating someone I knew inside and out. You can't know someone's goods and bads after only 2 months. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes not even 3 months is enough time to really know them."

" I'd always listen to my friends too, 'Oh I started dating him 2 days after my ex,' or 'We moved in after a month of dating' "AND IT WAS FINE"..I need to stop listening to those friends. They're the exception. I am the rule. and the rule needs to be "Time, just take your friggen time" "

Group rule #1: No dating other group member
Group rule #2: Your birthday ,2010 is when you stay single until
Group rule #3:Friend dates and close encounters are allowed.
Group rule #4: Keep things that keep you happy close by, keep a journal and record things that make you overly happy and overly depressed, Avoid all things unpleasant. It will make the lonely times easier to get through if you have an inventory of all things comforting.
Group rule #5: Inform close family & friend's about the group and invite them to participate. The more friends and family you have around the easier it will be to be alone, and eveuntually be okay with that.

"You have to be someone worth sweeping off their feet before someone will sweep you off them"

.Holy Cow.

I. Can't. believe .She's .getting. married.

Where have I been for the past month?


In other news, I've been dreaming of him, which leads to me thinking of him.
And we all know how poweful thought can be, so powerful that since dreaming/thinking of him I've seen him everyday since.

GARGH!

If this is a sign I have no idea what the message in the medium is.

Help would be appreciated.
Thanks.

Or how a good dream exorsist.

Love.

Janna & Chris.
J's with Janna.
Porch laughs & lightning.
Finally deciding where I should be, is where I want to be.

Choosing the old, dilapidated door over the pretty one where the elevator music lives.

Now, making it happen.

LML <3

.Don't you keep me on the back burner.

If I were invisable...

If I were invisable, I would sit at the grocery store all day and try and guess what each person was buying. Then for every item I guessed correctly at the check- out I would give myself a point.
Are they the kind of person who likes to cook, or prefers to microwave? Are they heavy on the canned goods? Maybe they load up on junk-food and fizzy beverages, if so , are they over-weight?
I think your grocery cart says everything about the kind of person you are.

So, what's in your bag?

.Shock me like an electric eel.

So these are the rules- respond and rework! answer thequestions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own. tag five other un-tagged people. (If I can think of anyone.)

What is your current obsession? Listening in on people's conversation's on the bus. Reading blogs. Nightwish,finding new music,flossing my teeth and trying to figure out what's going on my giant canvas.(♥)

what are you wearing now? Jammies! Yay!

.Do you go out a lot? I use to, but I've been pretty home-bodyish lately. Last time I went out it was unpleasant. haha.

what is on your desk? My craft boxes, my art supply box, a candleabera, picture frame, my sunglasses collection, a cd holder, my small canvas stand, my journals, a pen holder, pens, needles &thread., But I swear, it's very organized!

what would you like to learn to do? Play the cello, play the guitar better.

.what’s for dinner? Apparently pizza but if Amber doesn't hurry up I'm going to eat my arm. I'm starving!

..what was the last thing you bought? Cd's or a bowl of chilli. yum.

.What is your favourite weather? Hot!

what is on your bedside table dressing table? My suitcase, my alarm clock, a picture album and a vanilla candle.

what is your most challenging goal right now? Trying to figure out if I want to stay or go. Quitting smoking, getting over my ex-boyfriend.

do you have a blog you read daily even when there are no updates? Yup yup!

what would you like to have in your hands right now? Food. For sure.

what do you want but can’t have right this second? Can't have right this second? Food. How 'bout something I want but haven't got yet? Check.

what languages can you speak? english & french & some spanish.

what language(s) do you want to be able to speak? Italinano!

what's one thing you're looking forward to? The day that I wake up and I don't care anymore about him. Eating food. Seeing Cassy and my sister. Re-working my life, Meeting new people...Oh I guess that's more than one.

.what websites you visit constantly during the day? Blogger and all the lovelys' bloggers, facebook, hotmail, flickr, google, youtube.

if you were to pick up a pen right now? "Dear Amber, I got hungry. You take too long,I'm eating my arm. Love Lauren." and then I'd put it on my door,so when she arrives she'd know right away why i was eating my own arm.

I tag Amber hearts& farts, Matty, J.Con and anyone else who wants to participate.

.How to make Yum Yum.

I'm looking up receipes despite promising Amber I'd hang out with her tonight. (This usually entails a pizza ordering, followed by answering the door in my bra just to see what the pizza "boy" [and I say boy , because they're usually old men] does.)

I found one called Yum Nuea.

It really has Yum in the title. "A warm Thai salad with grilled beef"

Oh damnit, it's one of those 'Cook by video' things. I can never follow those.

Ugh. I need food.

I'm craving Sushi.

I think I'm going to make something, anything...She'll never know right?

Then on my glorious day off tomorrow I think I'm going to make a cook book.

Mmmm. Cook book.

.Stop pissing on the perverbial hydrant.

I walk in and stop short.
There you are.
The enemy invading.
Didn't we say this was my bar?


Didn't we agree that I got Hunter Street and all things on it?
This isn't no man's land.

So I move to the patio with my friend Sir Perry's.
You sit down ,smooth and easy.
Not even three tables away.

Didn't you get The Irish pub instead?
You wanted the Irish pub instead.

I gave you three streets and two of our bars, you gave me the side roads and our favourite spot.
Yeah we split it, we split this town right in to two.
Then we called up our lines and drew up defenses.
No capture the flag.
No man-hunting on my estates please.
No game playing here...watch the grass!



Our friends are stuck, they're caught right in the middle, we trade them off summers and alternating weekends.
Can we just call it even?
I thought we were even.

But to piss on the hydrant that lives on my street you pick up your beer and moved closer to me.
I can't help but watch you
I can't help but to watch you as you sit down one table from me.

And you're wearing the shoes that I thought were ugly and the shirt that I bought you, when we were oh so happy.
But your hair is still too long and your socks, they still don't match and I'm hearing your voice.
For the first time in eternity.
Oh somebody kill me.
You still smell like sweet grass and your sweater still bears the mark of my coffee, from almost 4 months away.
Haven't you learned how to do laundry yet?

We don't make eye contact and we don't say a word.
You know you're risking a war with this ambush.
Because we both agreed that this was my state.
Ex-lover, who I gave it all to , Ex-lover who was regarded higher than any other...
...You better have a white flag to wave.

I gave you three streets and two of our bars, you gave me the side roads and our favourite spot.
Yeah we split it, we split this town right in to two.
Then we called up our lines and drew up defenses.
No capture the flag.
No man-hunting on my estates please.
No game playing here...stay off the lawn!



Our friends are stuck, they're caught right in the middle, we trade them off summers and alternating weekends.
Can we just call it even?
I thought we were even.

But to piss on the hydrant that lives on my street you pick up your beer and moved closer to me.
I can't help but watch you
I can't help but to watch you as you sit down one table from me.

So the next time I see you, I'll stay real polite
Ask you how do you do,yes even how is your night.
Then I'll tell you, I'll tell you get the fuck off of my land.
And if you piss on my hydrant one more god damned time I'll call the dog pound and I won't be as inclined to give you chances, to not let the troops have their way and open up fire, leave nothing behind because the last time we spoke you were just as kind, as that to me, your verbal bullet wounds still scar my heart.
You have no chances here.
This isn't Un-Canadian soil. This isn't no man's land.This land has been claimed, and it's been claimed by me.

Yes, how do you do, how is your night.
I'll stay real friendly and even polite.
Then I'll tell you, I'll tell you, get the fuck off my land.

Urgh.

Love.

Love, love , love the ex-lead singer Tarja, from Nightwish.

Despite being gorgeous this woman has some serious pipes.

How badly do I wish I was an opera singer in a metal band? If only.

I keep listening to the old songs, featuring her, and liking the new singer a little less. It's almost ruining the album for me.

Damnit.

Love her.

.Caress the one, the never fading.

Last night was a lesson in self-control.

Holler.


Last night was also a shit show. My head is definitly achin' the good ache.
I love my friends.
and jello shooters.
and kitchen night parties
and Nightwish.
and sweet people who dig Nightwish as much as I do (thanks.)

Solid.

.Despite the rain.

We're making jello shooters & bbq'in.

I'm going to eat a billion jello shooters.


Holler.