.Day one.

I miss the days of "blogging".

I use to have a live-journal when I was in highschool, but after a rather truthful entry**, getting dumped because of said truthful entry and a serious lesson in internet etiquette I went off the intra-connected access to my sub-conscious.

* it was stupid to write online that he was clingy and that his breath always reaked of doritos, but it was the truth.

However, now, I'm back. I figure what better way to record my twenties than online...I guess I could buy a journal, but where's the fun in that?

Today's main focus: "The Workforce"

Today, is the first day off I've had in a while.

It is so strange to me that despite having two jobs I just never seem to have any cash, I guess it's a catch 22 or something. Work work work,broke broke broke. I'm trying to get excited for the job interview I have on monday but the more I think about it the more I know, I am so under qualified. However, I need the cash and it would be a sweet place to work so I'm going to give it everything I've got.

I never realised how much my job affects my happiness. Take this summer for example, I was on top of the world despite the factors; I had some money, but not a lot, A relationship that was crap from the get-go and no free time, but despite all of that I was happy. Every day I woke up smiling, went to work, felt proud of how hard I worked, hung out with my friends, painted and felt really great about myself.

But now....now that's all changed.

I still don't have any cash(which I think is a curse put on my head for all of eternity), my friends are just as sweet as they were in the summer, I have oodles of free time and I'm more in love with Elliott than ever...but, I'm unhappy. I feel unaccomplished and lacking in the self-esteem department, which, by the way, has never really been a huge issue with me. I'm starting to wonder if it's my job, and if so, do I just quit? How do you improve when you have no idea what the heck to improve apoun.

Long story short,the more I hear about how "useless" people are saying I am the more I really believe it.

But I'm not useless, right?

"Right!" the self-help part of brain says, but the rest of my hard-drive; the cerebral cortex of me really thinks that now-a-days, maybe they're right.

The worst part is that this shitty lull is starting to affect everything else.

Gawd damnit.

In good news, my sister is throwing me an early birthday party this weekend...and next week, well next week, I turn 21.

Let's go to Vegas,baby.