.With the wild wolves around you; In the morning I'll call you.

Oh hulllllooo Canada!

I just got back from Florida last night and I'm not going to lie, I wish I was still lying on the hot hot hot beach sippin' a pina colada with my pretty boyfriend beside me.
I'll have to post pictures when I'm not feeling so lazy.

In other news I'm hanging around the empty home-base (my parents and sisters are on thier own vacation.. ladidaa). It's weird being here alone, and my mother has left no food in the house.
I also came across some Shaun picture relics when I was hunting the ancient burial grounds of my old desk-top computer, it is kind of weird having pictures that are almost ten years old of him. It makes me a little giddy to think that we've managed to stay attracted to eachother through our "chain necklace" and "bell bottom jean" stages. haha.












I also found some old Improv pictures too...man, I miss those days.
This was us at the Canadian Improv Nationals in Ottawa, my grade 12 year.




Sometimes I feel like I was cooler back then. hah.

Bob like a robot from 1984

I always:

Drink too much coffee.
Fidget.
Try to laugh once a day.
Have a song stuck in my head.
Over think things or don't think things over at all.
Listen to my gut.
Want more money.
Have a pen in my purse.
Want more snail mail.
Love walking through parks on sunny days.
Wandering around town looking for new "neat" spots.
Ride a bus on my days off, be it around Peterborough to see the sites or to other towns.
Daydream.


I sometimes:
Spend a whole day in bed.
Sit on patios alone.
Fall in love.
Think about moving.
Miss my boy.
Doubt myself.
Party with my friends. (I wish there was enough time & money to make this an always)
Call my mom when I say I will.
Doubt others.
Choose to do things despite knowing it's stupid.
Say hilarious things.
Think I'm pretty intelligent.
Paint.
Laugh for no reason.
Go running. (I can't even pretend that this would ever be an always)


I never:
Feel overweight.
Stop loving my friends, even if they've hurt me.
Regret anything.
Want to sit still.
Say I'm sorry if I don't mean it.
Look back if I'm over it.
Want to lose contact with some people.
Want him to go away again <3

I just got back into town after an epic little adventure across Ontario. I saw the lovely Fernando & my sister; Marky G when we went to Hess Village. (Which by the way, is lit up like Christmas, go there if you can!). Bre & my entire FamJam at a Birthday party.

Sunday I hit up Waterloo and surprised the crap out of Shaun, we had a pretty chill couple of days- chill & awesome. Being back with Shaun scares the crap out of me, but in the best way possible.
It occurred to us that we've known each other for 7 years this year. I bit my tongue when it occurred to me that 3 of those years (now going on 4) were spent with us dating in one form or another, we've never managed to just be friends for longer than a month or two.
Scary, yes. However, I think I've learned a lot.
But still, scary as hell...I really don't want to get hurt again anytime soon...
and don't get me wrong, if it wasn't him, if it wasn't my Shaun I wouldn't even bother.

But it IS Shaun.
and he brings me coffee in bed.
and holds my hand despite hating hand holding.
and makes me smile at 9 am in the morning.
and agreed to go to the Art Gallery despite hating art.
and listens to me rant about my emotions at 5 am, before telling me "You think too much" and kissing me.
and lets me blare Lady Gaga at any time in the day.

So...you know, all or nothing, right?


Is it possible to fall for someone so soon after having your heart broken?

.Holy Blogella.

My blogging has ceased. It must be summer.

I seriously cannot believe it's almost August. Less than a week and I head out for Florida..I'm pretty stoaked on actually being hot this summer.

Updates on the summer thus far.

-Camping
-Going to Shaun's Mom's trailer
-Being everywhere except Peterborough; Waterloo, Grimsby, Toronto, Teeswater... but don't fret, I still live in the P.Dot.
-Getting back into Trent University
-Working out the details of actually going back to Trent University
-Finally living in a house sans drama
-Moving all my crap out of sans house because the summer sublet is just about over. Sigh, I'm going to miss my lovely loft.
-Finding a sweet new place for September. Hello Dublin street.

-Shaun & I drunkingly deciding to start dating. (Yes, once again, Lauren is not single.)
-A few bursts of lame drama here & there, involving "booty call" texts at 2am.
-Responding with "Uhh, wrong number dude"
-Going to Grimsby-Toronto-Waterloo-Grimsby in the span of two days.
-Trying Gin for the first time ever.
-Trying to memorize Salt N'Pepper lyrics.

annnnd I think that just about brings me up to speed on Summer thus far.
:)

.Shake it like you mean it.

Holy poo...

Blogging has been the last thing on my mind lately.

After going to Shaun's trailer for the weekend,I worked on some material for the snippets I've been writing.
I've decided to at least attempt to write a book, or a novel...or novella, whichever you prefer. It seems to me that instead of talk talk talking about everything that goes on in my life I should keep a journal and compile it, do social experiments and maybe come up with something brilliant...or shitty, but whatever it turns out to be it has definitely helped me feel less annoying and isolating in my day to day life.
<3

Last week I went camping for an entire week in Teeswater.
I can't even begin to explain all the mayhem that ensued.

-Grant and Shaun flipped an ATV on to themselves.
-We shot-gunned beers all night, and all morning, and I stayed up for a total of 36 hours, before passing out.
-Skinny dipping
-Playing in the rapids
-Playing in the water fall.
-Smores
-Camp fire sidekicks
-Grant & Shaun being crazy
-Craazyness in general.


and...other amazing moments that I'll save for the book. bahaha.
oh life.
<3



I still have snippets of hurtful moments- one's where I see him, or hear about him, it's like taking a bullet. However, the more I'm away from him the more I can see how I deserve so much more. Love is funny.. a person can break you down, bring out the worst in you and make you cry without guilt and yet, you continue to love them.
I've been able to have days go by without even thinking of him, and that makes me so happy, because I shouldn't waste thoughts on him, but every once and a while..there he is, fucking up my moments and reminding me of the awful things that I let him do to me, I don't want him back but I do get upset, thinking "How could I let you treat me so mean?" "Why do I see you and feel like someone just punched me in the gut?"
"WHY AM I STILL CRYING OVER YOU?"

Shaun has helped make that go away.. a lot actually, but is that enough?
Oh boy.
Grimsby is such a safe haven

.Show her your money maker.

I love summer so far.
Everything has been working out so smoothly.

On Wednesday I was offered a camping trip this weekend with Shaun, all expenses paid. We're going to White Sand's which is about 15 minutes from Sauble Beach.
Holler.
Beaches,Grotto's,Beers,Volleyball and campfires?
There's something to do for the four days I have off.

Yesterday I worked the last shift I had in my eight day straight working week. Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind:

"Umm, Mike, can I go home early?"

"Why?"

"Because if I have to be here for one more hour I think I will go insane"

"Fair enough"

One hour early!
I felt like it was the last day of school before summer, I ran out the doors! Not really, but in my mind I was running.

I met up with Amber right after and we got silly off of wine, listening to Alexisonfire and eventually made it up to the Boys' house. Brian ended up telling us that he was heading to Ancaster today.

"You're going to Ancaster?!"

"Yup, tomorrow"

"That's Grimsby's neighbour, can I come with you?!"

"Yup!"

Then I found out that Emily is home this weekend too, and Marika is having her birthday party tonight. Greenhow & a party? Frigg, I'm getting lucky as hell.

The ride down was uber fun & went by waaay too fast. Brian and I just rocked out to Ra ra riot & the Strokes and drank our coffee in bliss.

"Uhh. I want a smoke"
"Oh no! Me too!"
"I've been thinking that since..."
"You got your coffee?"
"Yah!"


When I got home I went to plug in my outdated ipod and realised that I have music on itunes from grade 12. Talk about a flashback to happy happy times. I quickly synced that shit up.
Now I'm eating a cookie and waiting for Karli to call me so we can meet up with Kurt & Colin, and then I'm guessing we're going to drink beers or something.

It's all so simple, but pretty freaking grand.

Camping tomorrow!

.Oh Sunday.

Last night was one of those magical nights.

Amber & I were bored so went went to the Only. There was a show going on up stairs so the place was packed, it was warm and the air was electric.

We were there for maybe five minutes when my buddy Neil (who lives in Toronto) walk up to the fence. Firstly I'm just surprised to see him, secondly he says "Hey wanna go to a house party?"
Life is so random sometimes.
So we have a beer, and Emma joins us, and its one of those night where everyone is just on fire, so hilarious that I think I almost wet myself.

Crazy house party.
And somehow I was still able to function today.

But now...as much as I want to go out a pot of tea, a cigarette and my bed seem SO inviting.

Yup, I'm really going to bed before 10.

.Don't quit me.

I've been an ass.
Today was a much needed but hard to digest reality check.

Logic VS Emotion.

I just wish this would have happened months ago, or that I was willing to listen.






Ne me quitte pas
Il faut oublier
Tout peut s'oublier
Qui s'enfuit déjà
Oublier le temps
Des malentendus
Et le temps perdu
A savoir comment
Oublier ces heures
Qui tuaient parfois
A coups de pourquoi
Le coeur du bonheur

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas

Moi je t'offrirai
Des perles de pluie
Venues de pays
Oÿ il ne pleut pas
Je creuserai la terre
Jusqu'après ma mort
Pour couvrir ton corps
D'or et de lumière
Je ferai un domaine
Oÿ l'amour sera roi
Oÿ l'amour sera loi
Oÿ tu seras reine

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas

Je t'inventerai
Des mots insensés
Que tu comprendras
Je te parlerai
De ces amants-là
Qui ont vu deux fois
Leurs coeurs s'embraser
Je te raconterai
L'histoire de ce roi
Mort de n'avoir pas
Pu te rencontrer

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas

On a vu souvent
Rejaillir le feu
De l'ancien volcan
Qu'on croyait trop vieux
Il est paraät-il
Des terres brulées
Donnant plus de blé
Qu'un meilleur avril
Et quand vient le soir
Pour qu'un ciel flamboie
Le rouge et le noir
Ne s'épousent-ils pas

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas

Ne me quitte pas
Je ne vais plus pleurer
Je ne vais plus parler
Je me cacherai là
A te regarder
Danser et sourire
Et à t'écouter
Chanter et puis rire
Laisse-moi devenir
L'ombre de ton ombre
L'ombre de ta main
L'ombre de ton chien

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas