.Gimme sympathy, after all of this is done.

It's really my fault, I suppose.

I'm the idiot who opened the can of worms.

So ground zero we meet again. I'll just stay down here with the rubble for a while until I can see straight and feel strong enough to climb out again.

I just believed so hard that he still loved me too.
For a minute he had me completely convinced that I wasn't insane for thinking so.


"What fools these mortals be."

.Mrow Mrow Skateboard Mrow. This blog is had far too much poo in it.

I went and bought cat litter because Alex had a stinky litter box.

Wouldn't you know , the SECOND after I change the litter he comes along and takes a MASSIVE of all massive poos.

Why is it that I make something nice and he has to come along and shit on it IMMEDIATELY.

There are too many parallels between my cat taking a dump and my current state of love affairs.

I think Ugh, stinky litter box,stinky life, so I go out of my way to get fresh litter,a fresh life, make it clean, get baking soda...make it perfect,make it smells like roses
Then some ASS has to come and not only shit, but take a HUGE STINKY shit all over my perfect clean thing, my perfect clean life.

And for a second I thought E was the cat in the parallel. You know, always shitting on stuff, but I think that might be giving him too much credit.
He's the shit, or a shit in this case.
A big poo.
Always reoccurring.
In this case he just happens to be the same shit, just a different pile.

Jenny says " Shitting is a natural process, you can't be mad"

So I can't begrudge him for being a shit I suppose, because being a poo, a shit, is all he really knows.

Jenny says "Shit happens, it's just about learning the right time to shit"

However, I figure, when there's a poo, I can and will say "EWW Poopy!" and get the damn scoop out and rid myself of that icky-ness.

Jenny says "just remember that timing is everything when it comes to shit. because there will always be shit. you just gotta learn how to handle it and its timing. In regards to E, leave his litter box alone for a few days. if you cater to him and clean it right now, you're just inviting him to take a big ol' steamy dump right away."

There have never been truer words Jenny. Truer, shittier words.

.This little piggy went wahn wahn wahn.

Good lord, do I have nothing interesting to write about?

'Pose not.

So instead of writing about the crazy ass two days I've just had. (They were so crazy I'm still unsure as to WHAT exactly happened, So i'll have to remember so I can write it down)

I'll just say,(In my best soap opera star voice) On nights like these, when times are confusing and we're so unsure of our love, and if you and I will ever be "We", I just have one thing I oh so grateful for...

(Back to Normal, Lauren voice)

My cat who loves to cuddle.
Alex P.Keeten, what would I do without you? Especially on lonely ass nights like tonight.

.My body it leaks like a sieve.

I am a liar.


I care.


But I'm also in a fortress.

Damn my impasse.

.Ain't that funny?.

It's funny how quickly things can change.

How you go to bed one day thinking a solid thought.
"The Sky is Green"

and the next morning you wake up and think
"No, I really think it's blue"

That's how fast my brain is moving. One thought quickly flashes to another. An opinion, a feeling that I was so certain of, has now become, so..well, uncertain.

I really thought I wanted to know if he still cared. I even decided to ask, but this morning I woke up and thought
"I hope he says no, that he doesn't care at all"
and tonight, I'm pretty solid on the fact that I don't care either way.

Isn't that grand?

Tonight, I don't give two shits either way how he feels.
It's a pretty liberating feeling.

Also, after all of this the strangest thing happened. Kenny asked me on a date.

.Oh Sex & the City.

"He's like teflon for women, nothing sticks"

Ahahaha. My ex. To a T.


I cannot get over how much I love Sex & the City lately. I know I should be outside...enjoying the weather ,etc, etc, but I'm perfectly content to sit inside talking to my brother about Macbeth (I would NOT go back to grade 10 ..EVER) and watching Sex & The City.

Le sigh.

.Gosh.

My heart is in my stomach.

What an unbelievable bastard, he beat me but he just won't stop.