Online blog meet Lauren,
"I do believe we met before".
It's been forever, right?
World, meet cliche January post.
2009 sucked. I'm not going to lie. A broken heart, a broken home, bad decisions, ruined friendships, beating my self up over things I couldn't control and lacking enough self-awareness to do something about the things I could. Giving my heart up to be smashed not once, twice or thrice but for the entirety of March-August. Moving to Toronto, starting over....Just recaping it makes me want to have a panic attack.
However, would I relive 2009 over again? Yes, if anything to learn the craptastic lessons that only I can learn once they've been beaten over my head with a large stick.
I feel more at peace with myself than ever. I haven't dated anyone since the last heart break and taking the time to just be alone has really given me some peace. I don't feel sad or stupid or worst of all, crazy and wound up. Although I burned more bridges than I built last year I'm really working on saying I'm sorry and letting go of those I just can't apologize to. I guess with maturity sometimes you have to admit that people who were once your friends now just aren't. I think maturity also means having enough strength to do something about the things that bug you...
..I'm re-establishing a relationship with my mum and although it's been slow going I really want to be able to forgive her one day. Last but not least I've admitted outloud that there are some serious character flaws stewing in me, and if I don't deal with them now they're going to turn me into a bitter, lonely person. I can't change other people, I can't make them less hypocritical,meanspirited or impatient all I can do is be happy with who I am at the end of the day.
Love,understanding,harmony with the world and a little bit of information makes the world a better place. Slowly I'm learning this.
To 2010, I know this year is for the better.
